“Nobody will stop you from creating. Do it tonight. Do it tomorrow. That is the way to make your soul grow — whether there is a market for it or not! The kick of creation is the act of creating, not anything that happens afterward. I would tell all of you watching this screen: Before you go to bed, write a four line poem. Make it as good as you can. Don’t show it to anybody. Put it where nobody will find it. And you will discover that you have your reward.”

-Kurt Vonnegut

i must be cruel, only to be kind

thus bad begins, and worse remains behind

So she had to satisfy herself with the idea of love--loving the loving of things whose existence she didn't care at all about. Love itself became the object of her love. She loved herself in love, she loved loving love, as love loves loving, and was able, in that way, to reconcile herself with a world that fell so short of what she would have hoped for. It was not the world that was the great and saving lie, but her willingness to make it beautiful and fair, to live a once-removed life, in a world once-removed from the one in which everyone else seemed to exit."

— Jonathan Safran Foer (Everything Is Illuminated)

roadtrip

De werkelijkheid leek me nog slechts droombeelden, terwijl daarentegen de fantastische voorstellingen van de wereld van de dromen - niet alleen maar het voedsel werden voor mijn alledaagse bestaan, maar werkelijk dat leven gingen vormen, zodat het voortaan uit niets anders meer bestond.

-Edgar Allan Poe

O uitgestotene, zoals er nog nimmer een bestond, door iedereen gemeden!

-bent u niet op aarde gestorven voor immer? -beroofd van eer en vreugde en gulden verwachtingen?

-en is de hemel niet door zware, sombere wolken voor eeuwig voor u versperd?
Zelf als ik het zou willen, zou ik niet in staat zijn verslag uit te brengen van mijn latere jaren van onuitsprekelijke ellende en onvergeeflijke misdaad.

In die latere jaren steeg mijn verdorvenheid tot ongekende hoogten, en ik heb op het ogenblik geen andere bedoeling dan daarvan de oorzaak in het licht te stellen.

De laaghartigheid van de mens ontwikkelt zich gewoonlijk trapsgewijs.

In mijn geval evenwel verdween alle deugdzaamheid in één klap, alsof ik een kledingstuk had afgelegd.

Van een betrekkelijk onbetekenende verdorvenheid ontwikkelde ik mij met reuzenschreden tot een verkleefdheid aan schanddaden, waarbij die van Heliogabalus nog verbleekten.

-Edgar Allan Poe

How long will you ride other wordly

Night mover, day breaker

While we suffer in muted agony

At your addiction to deceit

Breeding with magic

You are intoxicated with allure still scandalous

Drenched in tainted oblivion, entranced in desire for new fools and old flames

That let the hard heat pour through cigarette smoke

Blinding to you to confessions of our waking

Rhapsody of shadows from within swaying your metaphysical fate

Lawless lover, find atedote in my venom,

Come to core of the more of yourself, and there you’ll see me

In indigo mood and velvet tears

With wet leather skin, metallic to touch that arches and turns

Barbed mouth with seductive poison penetrating your sight like liquid

When danger is habitual, there are no warnings of it

Be ready when the moon is out sweet and hot hound who moans deep and cries for morning

Chanting howls of a woman in love as she shakes her sweat free

And licks at your back etched with four satin claws, dripping lips and silver scissor teeth

Your mirror is now blood rusted, and when next you gaze against it

We’ll fuck with hatred double and the cold hard stillness will reveal what our heart really is

When your mouth is black and your body lays in the dirt

Your eyes will not shut from our faces for now all you see is darkness

Our impervious darkness.

__________verdwalen in wegloos zwart

ik zink door de nacht tot ik voor je ogen verdwijn

gedachtes draaien cirkels waardoor ik val

in een zee waarop ze varen en gevoelens mij verdrinken

ik zal niet dansen, struikelen zal ik

alles moet ik doordenken, en toch zal het net anders gaan

het maakt me bang, de onzekerheid over het komende

ik wil

niet

vallen.

laat me met rust

gelogen liefde

FEMME

100 meter

cleaning up the things she left behind

are you on to find some peace of mind

are you aware of the mess you left behind

scared to think away the cheer

looking back in a mirror

it all becomes clear

the views are not the same

i see sun, you see rain

woman,

how ephemeral our grace is in these wind stricken plains

but i do believe

it is our fate to reside here

away from the mountains of youth and safety

in a fragile meadow

op't midden van ons levenspad gekomen,

kwam ik bij zinnen in een donker woud,

want ik had niet de rechte weg genomen.

rondom mij dicht en doornodig kreupelhout;

ik kan niet zeggen hoe het mij bezwaarde,

nu de herinnering mij weer benauwt.

Strange Phenomena of the Mind

Déjà Vu - the experience of being certain that you have experienced or seen a new situation previously – you feel as though the event has already happened or is repeating itself. The experience is usually accompanied by a strong sense of familiarity and a sense of eeriness, strangeness, or weirdness. The “previous” experience is usually attributed to a dream, but sometimes there is a firm sense that it has truly occurred in the past.

Déjà Vécu - is what most people are experiencing when they think they are experiencing deja vu. Déjà vu is the sense of having seen something before, whereas déjà vécu is the experience of having seen an event before, but in great detail – such as recognizing smells and sounds. This is also usually accompanied by a very strong feeling of knowing what is going to come next.

Déjà Visité - a less common experience and it involves an uncanny knowledge of a new place. For example, you may know your way around a a new town or a landscape despite having never been there, and knowing that it is impossible for you to have this knowledge. Déjà visité is about spatial and geographical relationships, while déjà vécu is about temporal occurrences. Nathaniel Hawthorne wrote about an experience of this in his book “Our Old Home” in which he visited a ruined castle and had a full knowledge of its layout. He was later able to trace the experience to a poem he had read many years early by Alexander Pope in which the castle was accurately described.

Déjà Senti - Déjà senti is the phenomenon of having “already felt” something. This is exclusively a mental phenomenon and seldom remains in your memory afterwards. In the words of a person having experienced it: “What is occupying the attention is what has occupied it before, and indeed has been familiar, but has been forgotten for a time, and now is recovered with a slight sense of satisfaction as if it had been sought for. The recollection is always started by another person’s voice, or by my own verbalized thought, or by what I am reading and mentally verbalize; and I think that during the abnormal state I generally verbalize some such phrase of simple recognition as ‘Oh yes—I see’, ‘Of course—I remember’, etc., but a minute or two later I can recollect neither the words nor the verbalized thought which gave rise to the recollection. I only find strongly that they resemble what I have felt before under similar abnormal conditions.”

Jamais Vu - Jamais vu (never seen) describes a familiar situation which is not recognized. It is often considered to be the opposite of déjà vu and it involves a sense of eeriness. The observer does not recognize the situation despite knowing rationally that they have been there before. It is commonly explained as when a person momentarily doesn’t recognize a person, word, or place that they know. Chris Moulin, of Leeds University, asked 92 volunteers to write out “door” 30 times in 60 seconds. He reported that 68 per cent of his guinea pigs showed symptoms of jamais vu, such as beginning to doubt that “door” was a real word. This has lead him to believe that jamais vu may be a symptom of brain fatigue.

Presque Vu - Presque vu is very similar to the “tip of the tongue” sensation – it is the strong feeling that you are about to experience an epiphany – though the epiphany seldom comes. The term “presque vu” means “almost seen”. The sensation of presque vu can be very disorienting and distracting.

it’s just a maze and you’re never going to get out

Pink Floyd

Men cannot know what it is to be together without otherwise knowing what it is to be apart. If all the world were love, then, how could love exist? This is why we turn away from each other on moments of great happiness and closeness. How can we know happiness and closeness without contrasting them, like lights?

Jack Kerouac - from a letter to Allen Ginsberg, September, 1948

Le Fabuleux Destin d'Amélie Poulain

Voilà, ma petite Amélie, vous n'avez pas des os en verre. Vous pouvez vous cogner à la vie. Si vous laissez passer cette chance, alors avec le temps, c'est votre cœur qui va devenir aussi sec et cassant que mon squelette.

the kills

Jonathan Leder

Vivian Maier